Newsletter Feature: 9/5/2109

Every time I come here it gets hard to leave. I bet you put something in the water.


Dear Bills Fan,

Do you know what time it is?


Yes. It is Pumpkin Spice time.

I feel that Pumpkin Spice is like Tom Brady and every fall it ruins everything, including my beer.

But this year, things will be different. No one is allowed to drink Pumpkin Spice anything near me…nor can you smell like it either. Pumpkin doesn’t smell, people. That’s nutmeg. That’s cinnamon. They smell. They’re cute in candles.

But Tom Brady stinks…sorry, couldn’t resist (If he was a candle he would be Soy Vanilla Cardamon Pumpkin Spice Eunich Butt…not that there is anything wrong with that…okay…there is.).

Seriously though… I feel things are going to be different…like free parking on game day (more on that later). The Patriots are about to be extinguished (candle humor is really under-appreciated these days). They are about to get waxed (CANDLES!) a few times this season (and maybe once by the Billsies) and I doubt they get to the AFC Championship again. Wick-ed awesome!

I may be circling the wagons a bit too quickly now, but I’m extremely excited for this season. Josh Allen has targets that can catch now (well, maybe not Zay) and with help from an O-Line that isn’t 4 tackling dummies and a trash can anymore, his accuracy should improve (Mine, as the game goes on and the beers continue, is a different story. Tread lightly in the bathroom, please.). This off-season the team did a great job upgrading their roster with a lot of exciting new faces.  Hell, we even let a Brit have a chance to make the roster, (He didn’t but I bet as a rugby player he can do amazing keg stands…and his accent is still dreamy. (He made the Practice Squad so he wasn’t really shown the Brexit Door.)).

Week 1 is going to be a great matchup of the second year QBs, showing the nation what we already know which is that Allen is sweller than Darnold (Besides, this season Darnold is going to be played by Al Molinaro and not Pat Morita.).

SO the Bills have made changes and so did we… on You can now see the entire schedule, click on individual games, see the details, get news on the rivals (why they suck and how they cheat… I swear), see where to park for FREE when coming to Trinity, and add each event to your calendar with a click of the button!

We’ve presented our Spring survey results to the owners of Trinity and hope to implement the changes you are seeking too (Unfortunately, we can not get a live Polka band but…).

See you this Sunday!

Your Candle in the Wind,

PS: Really, Cleveland? Really?